Day twenty three - books, baking, a fire and some songs

Today has been a good day, well lived in spite of colds.

We started with book work - their idea, not mine! 

J did a bit of everything - Maths (area / perimeter) Science - human organs and anatomy, Reading - My Dad's got an alligator, Hand writing practise and English - using powerful words.

Then A did a lot of everything Maths - adding and subtracting, totalling 20, counting up in 3 4 or 5, counting down in 3 4 or 5.  Science - human body, food chains, nutrition.  English - Capitals and full stops, complete the words and then she read another book.

M was reluctant to move from his youtube videos, but didn't like the idea of not doing anything, o eventually he did Maths - ordering decimals and fractions, English - root words, Science - conductors and insulators, hand writing practise and reading.

L worked happily on approximating, rounding, significant figures and limits.  This is another fairly big thing for him.  Maths does not come particularly naturally to L, and he tells me he finds any sums as easy or hard as any other, so the idea of approximating first to get a ball park figure is alien to him - as he says, why not just do the maths right the first time?  We have encountered this A LOT over the years, and finally he seems happy to do it, regardless of his almost philosophical objection to the idea.  Then he looked at persuasive texts (or manipulation and propaganda as he called it!) and ICT.

Later the kids each cooked a savoury pastry for their dinner - here are the obligatory pictures :

After that, we ate them :)

Then the younger three went to their scouting activities - A and I to a campfire, J and M to the school for more "normal" evenings.

Ready for bed and story now - we're reading "My friend Walter" by Mr Morpurgo - gluttons for punishment!

Day ninteen a new group, and a fun day :)

A good day, well lived :)

L spent a long time today working on video editing - he's mastered a lot of interesting techniques, and is thoroughly enjoying it.  Best of all it's all autonomous :) Neither his father or I have any real knowledge about "modern" video editing, I wouldn't even know where to start looking for info to be honest, but L has found several sites that have resources and software, he's worked out how he needs to upgrade his PC, he's choosing when to research this, and how long to spend on it, and is basically just being very self motivated. 

On a similar note L has started working on his drawing skills - after talking through the negative impact nursery had on his desire to draw (and that was almost 12 years ago now!) L has been watching other people sketch on you-tube, and rebuilding his confidence.  He's asked for some specific supplies, and tells me he's feeling happier about drawing.  He also feels he is getting better at it, but isn't ready to share his work yet.   This is actually a BIG THING.  I cannot easily put in to words just how angry I am that pre-school workers destroyed L's confidence and that it has taken us more than a decade to rebuild what was a burning desire to draw.

A, J and M went to a new club this afternoon - it's a skills sharing / challenge club.  A and J really engaged with the idea of creating a club badge, and they co-operated with the other children well, drawing along side them, then working on combining all the pictures into one badge.  Both of them were happy and chilled all afternoon :)

M felt out of sorts - he has been off for a week now, not quite right just needing more "handling" than normal.  He struggled to engage, perhaps it was the new setting, a new group of people, an artistic challenge, or a hold-over from previous events at other places, but he was clinging to me and wanting a lot more reassurance than he generally does.  That said he wasn't naughty in any way, not disruptive or irritating to anyone other than me, so it was a manageable afternoon, even with his unease.

The children are all looking forward to the next meeting, and M is hoping to join in more.

When we got home there wasn't much time before we were due to go out again, there was some TV time (a growing rarity, even though we don't limit it, the children generally choose to play minecraft together rather than sit and watch the TV.)

Then it was off to Chess for M, a friends house for A and a church youth group for J.  L skyped friends and played on his Xbox in peace :)

When we got home Uncle N was skypeing the kids (he does that every week, which is awesome!) A went out to play until it was dark, then we ate and got the younger three to bed.

Apparently someone died in the Morpurgo book . . . not a surprise really, but there were tears :(

Then L, my husband and I played Lords of Waterdeep (a cool board game :) ) I won (again!)

We enjoy playing games once the younger three are in bed - it gives us a chance to play a bit more ruthlessly, to play more complex games, and it's a great way to spend the evening with L, making sure he gets his time with us not distracted by random demands from the little ones.

Sometimes it is hard balancing the needs of four very different children, but at the moment we're doing OK.

Have a happy weekend :)

Day twelve - not a good day, if I'm honest

Today has been less than perfect.  To be truthful it has been rather hard and a little upsetting.

This morning M, J, A and I headed off to our "forest school."  No-one woke up naturally, no-one wanted to get ready, no-one wanted to rush.

We got out of the door at the desired time, and a lacklustre bunch of offspring were loaded into the car.

We got to the site earlier than normal (!) and the kids perked up fairly quickly, but with some children having left and others joining the dynamic of the group was very different.

M wasn't coping well, the first session after a break is usually harder on him anyway, but the changes made him uneasy and he was hunting for the familiar interactions just and not finding them.

The session itself went well - once I managed to get M to focus and calm himself a bit - the children built a hibernaculum / hibernarium / bug hotel.  They all worked well together, and a nice structure was built.  There was a reminder of rules and boundaries and some catching up too :)

We stayed for a picnic afterwards, and the change in dynamic made things interesting there too - on the whole that was fairly quickly resolved, but the situation required more vigilance and talking than normal, and I felt rather drained by the time we got home.  The children, on the other hand, say they had a great time.  I guess it's all a matter of perspective.

Hopefully the next session will be easier, there is every reason to believe it will be, and our Fridays can be happy relaxing days again :)

When we got home L had had a nice quiet morning, and was both ready and willing to hit the books.  He looked at percentages in Maths - we were both relieved to find he remembered all the rules / methods, and the exercises were done in about 30 minutes, which isn't bad for 4 sides of A4 :)  In English we looked again at the poems from the other day, discussed and dissected them, looked logically at why they work and how, and all went well.  ICT is still in the very early "This is an input device . . ." stages.

A and I played a lovely game called Dobble, which always leaves us smiling, and was a good redirect for her.

J has gone to a church youth group, M skipped chess because he is still wound up from earlier events, A is in the bath and L is chatting to friends on Skype whilst they play online.

Last night we read about the Crimean war, the Great Exhibition and The Crystal Palace.  Tonight we have more from Queen Victoria's reign. 

All in all, today could have been worse, we got through it fairly well, but it has taken a toll on everyone's energy levels and mood.

Day nine - happy :)

Today is an easy blog post :) Today has been a happy day.

One of my favourite people on the planet came over, and she even brought her kids (all of whom are adorable and fun)

I barely saw A all day, since she was upstairs playing with two of our visitors, the day passed quickly for them, there seemed to be no major stress at all.  I *think* there were games with dolls, play food and Minecraft, but since they were happy I left them to it.

I got to spend a lot of time putting the world to rights with my dear friend, and playing with her youngest.  I'd forgotten just how much I enjoy making convoluted train tracks :)

At some point I made some loom band "charms" with one of our guests, and the GeoMag came out too.

Once our guests had gone A, L and J played with the GeoMag a bit more.

M and J are really enjoying a new game on their tablets, and have spent the day researching and playing that - perhaps not ideal, but they are engrossed and reading / socialising with each other. 

Later L tackled some maths - manipulating fractions, which he has had trouble with previously.  This time it all seems to have clicked and he whizzed through it.  He's got a headache so we talked about poetry (the next section in his English book) and discussed some principles of it rather than working through the book.  When L is tired / headachey he finds reading in artificial light hard work, so whilst I would have preferred to crack on with the course I doubt he would have retained much of the learning as he would be working hard to overcome the Irlen's Syndrome side of his dyslexia.  As this whole subject is way outside his comfort zone I am very aware that he is having to work much harder than it seems for the progress he is making, and I don't want to compromise that by pushing when I don't need to.  We have already covered about 1/10th of the course, and he's doing far better than I anticipated, if we keep going at this rate then we should be starting the IGCSE level work just after Christmas, which is about 6 months before I was anticipating :) So, slow days are not a problem!

The younger three have now all gone to their various scouting sections - A to beavers, J to cubs and M to scouts.

After a late dinner it'll be a quick story (we've reached Nelson in "Our Island Story now), then bed for all :)

Day five, museum Chess club and crashing out.

It was very hard to get up.  Not only for the children, but for me too!  After an enormously busy day and late night it was very tempting to conveniently "forget" that we had plans.

But I didn't forget, the children did get up and ready, and we did manage to leave the house.

Not only did we leave the house, we got to the museum in time too!

A local home educator had asked one of the volunteers at the museum to give us a talk about the Saxon period, and that is precisely what he did :) He talked about how things changed when the Romans left, and the timings of that, where the name Saxons comes from, where the Saxons came from and why, how they lived, how they traded, how we know those things.  He talked about how the Saxon period  ended, and about the interplay between the Saxons and the Vikings.  He even talked about money, trade and language.  It was a good talk, comprehensive, covering lots of things my guys knew about, other things they didn't.  We've not looked specifically at the time period, but we have read about it in "Our Island story", and they've seen various TV programmes like Horrible histories that cover lots of history.  We've also been to various other places that have Saxon artefacts, so this sort of joined up a whole lot of dots for them :)

After the talk there were replica helmets and swords to try on, and obligatory photos :

Once the session had wrapped up the children played with their friends - the museum has various outdoor games, and some old slot machines, and there was lots of general catching up and nattering :)

Once we got home the children went off to their various favoured activities, and later M went to the first Chess club session of the school year. J and A usually go out on Fridays but neither of those happened this week.

A is coughing a lot, and I am a little worried that the cough is hanging on for a long time.  I've started coughing now too :(

More Pics :) )

Day three spent in glorious sunshine

A few weeks ago a newly moved to the area home edder, after some discussion, set up a picnic-in-the-park day to meet the local home ed community, and today was the day :)

It was a mercifully late start, and everyone was able to wake up naturally - that always seems to help the day go well.

So, we picnicked.  The younger three played - sometimes on their own, sometimes together, more often with the other children - and I chatted with new friends.  All was good - even the weather!

Days like today are really a key part of our lives - getting the children out and active, helping them cement friendships with support if needed, and generally reaffirming that life is for living outside in the sunshine, not shut away in a classroom.

Things went smoothly, M lasted almost three hours - he can get a bit antsy at things like this after a while.  Three hours is pretty good for him :)

Tomorrow we're off to Legoland, and I'm hoping that todays park time will mean we're not stuck at the climbing frame there for too long!

On the way home we dropped my sewing machine off for a service, picked up a new scrum-hat for M (it's a head-guard for Rugby), and met a very friendly terrier, who loved licking the ice cream off the kids.

Once home everyone retreated to their "cave" - M to the PC, J to his tablet, me to the garden to work on the plum trees, and A followed me nattering constantly until one of her friends knocked for her after school.  M and L have gone to the games club this evening, whilst A and J are planning tomorrows routes with maps from the internet.  J's idea is everyone can pick 10 rides, then we do those in order of how many of us want to go on them - not a bad plan to be fair, think we'll run with it :)

Not the summer I had planned

So far summer has been . . . odd.  Normally we stay home, enjoy the garden and spend time with friends.  We like our parks and museums quiet, which isn't an option in the school holidays!

This year the weather has been so variable that we've not done much outside at all - no blisteringly hot paddling pool days, no out door dinners, only one water fight!

We've also been busy, so time at home has been our decompression time. 

We've been bowling, to a soft play centre and swimming with a support group, we've camped with the Scout group, this weekend we camp again with another group, and we've done a couple of home ed visits as well!  Our quiet summer has gone up in smoke - which is both good and bad.

It's good, because these have been days well lived.  Good friends and happy memories have been made.  Time has been well spent, and we've all enjoyed it.

Bad because, for me, the summer is a time of recharging batteries.  A few weeks with less expectations, less stress of getting places, less need to be on time.  It's when I build up enthusiasm to face projects and workbooks again, when I gather resources, find inspiration.  This year we have been so busy I think I'm going to hit September at the same point as I burn-out.  So perhaps we will have to take the first part of September as a recovery period - lets just hope for an Indian summer, so our quiet days can be spent in the paddling pool!

In other news, we have an appointment next week with CAMHs.  The follow up to both M and J's ADOS's.  I *think* I know what will happen, but I am worrying about counting chickens before the eggs hatch. . . I am also worrying about what will come next.  Still, worrying only borrows trouble from tomorrow as the saying goes.  And bridges must be crossed when they are reached.

For the moment I think it's time to be happy with where we are, the kids have had a fun summer, probably their busiest yet, they are enjoying "Our Island story" as a bedtime book, Minecraft has turned into some kind of challenge-based project, with J and A asking me to set tasks and then comparing their builds, M is reading a roleplaying source book at night (I don't think he knows I know) and L is writing a story.

Even when planned summer relaxing goes out of the window the children are learning and growing faster than I can keep track of, and really, I guess, that's why we do things the way we do :)

Summer success and plans

Houston, we have a problem . . . Well, I do anyway!

Last time I blogged I had to change the account access, and now I can't remember the password! It's set up on Gmail, which isn't the main email I use, and I'm struggling to get a password reminder sent anywhere I can read it . . . for now I can access the blog via my tablet, but can't get into my gmail account at all.  So I'm typing on a *really* small screen.  The prospect of which has put me off blogging for a while.  But it's about time I bit that particular bullet, so here we go . . .

Life is full of ups  and downs, and one of the downs is CAMHs - so far they've been pretty decent with us, only one dodgy appointment and the record was set straight when we wrote to them.  We are so close to the end of M and J's diagnosis journey, I can almost see the finishing post.  So of course this has to be the time our local CAMHs have been told to find 25% budget savings!  We know some of the people the boys have seen have taken redundancy or early retirement, so changes in who they are seen by is inevitable.  I *think* that worked in our favour when J had his ADOS the other week, two fresh sets of eyes seem to have seen things a bit more clearly than those who thought they knew him.  But the down side of this is longer waiting times.

It's been almost five months since M had his ADOS, and we haven't had a follow up appointment.  So my husband called (again!) and asked how things were going . . .

Now, I do understand that losing a lot of staff creates problems, and by all accounts another member of staff is often off sick too, but my understanding has limits.  So it was better that my hubby call, he's far more patient than I am ;)

He was told about budget cuts, longer waits, staff off sick, and then as a concession the lady he was talking to said she would try and send us the raw reports, although they "don't normally do that." A couple of days later we got the reports.  They have more than a few grammatical errors, and it's clear they are meant for internal uses only, but now I can see what happened in the two ADOS assessments.  I feel a lot happier :)

The reports are at great pains to point out that they are part of a larger process, not a diagnosis in and of themselves, and so I'm not going to share the content, suffice to say that it made me happy, then sad, then relieved.

I have no idea when we will get to the next stage, we're waiting to see the Neuro-development clinic, and hopefully when we do we will have a formal diagnosis for each of the boys.

So, that's M and J . . . The next big news is L.

Back at the beginning of May L began a paddle sports course.  He was very nervous, unsure of going at all, it took a lot of talking on my part, and a lot more pressure than I was actually comfortable applying.  In the end he went, with the proviso that he try for two weeks and if he hated it he could stop  going.

He loved it!  As far as I can tell he is actually quite good at the various paddle sports, and has passed the course with flying colours.  This week he has gone to Devon with the group, for four days of paddling mayhem :) At 15 1/2 he is the youngest of the group, but he is happy with that, and has made some good friends.  He's thinking of joining a local club and earning more qualifications . . .

Lastly little miss A.  She is enjoying the school holidays.  She is "playing out" for pretty much all the time we are at home, she has lots of local friends.  For A socialising comes easy, she is a little bemused by all the "best friends" nonsense, and it has been a bit of a shock to her how unkind some of the kids are to each other, but on the whole she is happy and thriving.

Over the summer we have a lot of activities booked with our local ASD support charity, we saw "How to train your dragon 2" with them on Monday, and are going swimming on Saturday.  It's shaping up to be a very fun few weeks :)maybe the start of the school term will give us a bit of a rest!

Home again, home again, Jiggety jig

Well, we're back :) Time to get life back on track and re-embrace our "normal".

Last week we were at one of our favourite places - ConCeption, a gaming convention on the south coast.  It was awesome :)  As with everything in our lives, this particular chunk of awesomness was coloured by the children's quirks and additional needs, but not always in a negative way.

When we go away M and J feel a need to plan.  That's pretty normal, but M in particular takes normal and magnifies it about 100X.  M's planning started back in October, and he has been telling friends about what would happen for a very long time.  In order to try and get this under control at the very start of January we wrote lists - what they both wanted to pack, what they wanted to play, even (in J's case) what they would wear on the way down.  Since there was some writing involved A decided to hop onto the band waggon - although her list was much shorter, and didn't actually get looked at once she had written it.

When it came to the time we wanted to pack, this was the easiest year yet.  We have now fully embraced M's sensory issues, so most of his clothes are ones he is happy to wear (this does change depending on his stress levels, but now we never buy something for him without his trying it on and approving it.)  So I was able to say things like "six pairs of trousers! Go!" and they did!  It was a bit chaotic, lots of clothes everywhere, I had to go through and fold things, quietly checking for holes in knees of trousers as I went, but all four children managed to sort things themselves.

The biggest issue we had was space - with six of us, a weeks clothing, and *lots* of games, the car felt far too small.  There was quite a bit of negotiating about which games would be taken, which could fit into the same box and how we could keep them from getting damaged en route.  In the end we took far more games than we played, but far less than M wanted to.

For the first time in years not only Uncle N, but also Uncle M were there.  Uncle N always comes, staying in the same lodge as us, but having another adult about really changed the dynamic, and made for an almost stress free week :)

This is the perfect convention for us - for the first half there are very few children older than about 3 around, and those that are there we have known all their lives.  We often have the pool to ourselves, and the soft play is similarly exclusive.  That means that M, J and A get to relax when it's not at all busy, they get to do things without having to wait or take turns, they get to be in control.  From the Friday night onwards more children arrive - again mostly ones we have known forever - and the kids play well in groups, having already explored and done most of the things they wanted to do.  It's very interesting to see that all four of the offspring slot back into the social groups naturally, they know the other children well enough despite only spending one week of the year together, there is a tolerance of each others differences and very rarely any upsets at all.  We had no tears / complaints / grumps this year, not from our guys or any of the other children.  It really is a very relaxing place to be.

J and A played their first convention games that were not run by one of "us" this year - they played the Pathfinder Kids Track - and they both loved it.  There were two games, each lasted four hours, but had several breaks.  The guys running it were well prepared, very enthusiastic, and there were three of them to the two kids :)  It was great to see both of the littlies really getting into things, and one way or another they both played every day we were there :)

M and L played standard Pathfinder games with their dad and Uncle N.  They both cope fairly well at a table with random adults, and had a blast.

For M gaming like this is perfect - there are rules, which give his socialisation shape and form, he knows his character well, which makes him relax and feel able to contribute, and he is actually a very good tactician, which makes him an asset to the table.  L is shyer, finds it harder to speak up to strangers, but once he relaxes he shines.  Playing games like this helps both boys with reading / maths / writing, because there is a need to do all of those things quickly and independently.  It's good practise, even though neither of them are learning anything new.

L sometimes finds M too much (he's not alone there, TBH) so we organised a game with Uncle M running, and L, Uncle N, My husband and I playing.  L came out of his shell, and really enjoyed himself.  It helps that Uncle M is a really good GM, and that we were all having fun too.  One of those games where everyone hits the perfect notes and it just takes off.

On the Saturday morning M played a solo game with uncle N, using the Savage Worlds rules set, then in the afternoon I ran a game called "Little Wizards" aimed at children, and it was chaotic!  I'll write up the story and post it later.  J and A both played, as did 6 other children. 

On the Sunday I ran an interactive game (again for children.  Do you see a pattern!)  These games are generally called LRP's, and instead of saying "my character will do XX" you go and do it.  Mostly they are based around "talky" situations, and it is a great opportunity to get into a character and have fun.  Again J and A played this whilst the other two played Pathfinder with their dad and uncle.

Sunday afternoon J played a very old game called Star Wars D6, based in the Star Wars universe, with a very simple rules mechanic, I played with him as uncle N ran the game.  It took him a little while to settle, but he had a blast.

At some point M bought a new game - Cosmic patrol - and read most of the rule book in the down time between games.  As with most RPG rule books this one was pretty long - novel sized - and needed to be concentrated on.  M was his usual dedicated (obsessive?) self, and determined to read it before we left, I don't think I could have convinced him to read that much, even with the best novels we have here.

Monday morning came around too soon, and we had to say goodbye not only to the uncles, but also to the holiday park.  Both M and J cried, but that was to be expected, they hate leaving places / people.

On the way home we stopped at Marwel Zoo, but that is another post (with pictures!)

There is so much more to say, but I'll have to cogitate on it a bit longer, however -

we are back. 

Life resumes. 

J is off to the hospital tomorrow for an outpatients appointment . . .

Autonomy, Unschooling, trust, critical thinking and ranting teenagers

Take this as fair warning - this post may well turn into a wee bit of a rant. 

If you are on many home ed Facebook groups then I doubt that you can have missed the Daily Mail article about unschooling that has just been published.

It's not a bad article, in the main, but the concept of unschooling is never going to be an easy one to convey to a hostile journalist.  I felt that, really, if you already know about unschooling then the article reaffirms it as a good choice, if you don't like the idea or have never heard of unschooling it looks like lazy or neglectful parenting and no brief piece of writing can really fix that.

The unschooling approach is, after all, basically, counter to all we are told by the mainstream of society. 

For most people children are viewed as a canvas for their parents and school to paint on.  From the time babies are born we are told they need to be "trained" - how many of us have been told that unless we start sleep training, feeding on a schedule, imposing OUR will then the little ones will be running the show?  We have shelves full of baby training and toddler taming manuals, and the whole of a child's life - if the "normal" route is followed - is run by others, for the convenience of others, and those others are *always* the adults.

Unschooling, on the other hand, is about trust.  Trusting a child to find their way, and supporting them as they grow.  In the UK I think the terms "Autonomous learning" and "Unschooling" are almost interchangeable.  The idea is that learning is best done when a child is intrinsically motivated, not manipulated or cajoled, and from my experience that seems to be true.

Where autonomy and unschooling diverge is that a child may autonomously choose to do "schooly" things - like workbooks - but I don't think that would happen in an Unschooling household.

Now, in our house we have learnt in many different ways - we have times when we are very bookish, and A in particular loves workbooks, and other times where we are very autonomous.  I am unconvinced that unschooling could work for several of our children - M is very keen to avoid challenging himself, possibly due to his high anxiety levels, and L found reading so hard work due to his dyslexia I don't know if he would have persevered without encouragement - but J has shown me that it works well for him - he has so much mathematical knowledge that hasn't come from the work we have done together, and he often asks about things at random times and shows me he is thinking about a lot more than I realise.  So I think this is a case of different strokes for different folks, and on the whole I trust parents to do their best for their children.

But to get back to the article, in many ways it annoyed me - but more than anything else the quotes from "experts" rankled.

To start with, the two experts quoted - Dr Kevin Stannard, of the Girls’ Day School Trust and Julia Harrington, headmistress of Queen Anne's School in Caversham - are clearly what would be termed "hostile witnesses". They are both representatives of school based education, and as such the system they are "experts" on is based on a huge lack of trust - both of parents and of their children. Within the school system the voice of parents is ignored, and the idea of allowing a child to choose what they learn is anathema.  If these two "experts" had given positive reactions, they would have been acknowledging that the school system is not the only way, and ultimately their livelihoods depend on parents not thinking too hard about whether school works or not.  It is rather like asking a butcher or a pig farmer if (s)he thinks vegetarianism is a good idea . . .

Dr Stannard said (amongst other things)
"Part of a rounded education, for example, is the ability to develop ‘critical thinking’ and to question assumptions you have grown up with, which can only truly happen outside of the home environment."


This I *really* take issue with.  I think it goes straight back to this whole idea that society seems to have, that as a parent my job is to mould my children like lumps of clay - turn them into just what society wants and nothing else.  In our house this couldn't be further from the truth!  From the outset I have encouraged my children to think about things - I don't want blind obedience from them, because I know I am fallible and may not have thought about something that occurs to them.  When my children are asked to do something, if they refuse and explain why we talk it through (unless it's an urgent thing and there just isn't time.) I don't always agree with their point of view, but I do try to listen to it and think about it.  We do a lot of learning by talking - probably because that is the way L learns best - so we often talk about an idea and discuss each others opinions of things.

In none of the children is this more evident than L - my very own ranting teen :) - For example whereas I go to Church, he is a staunch atheist.  We have talked through both my beliefs and those of other religions - with no intention of convincing or converting him - and both of us understand the others point of view, and respect our differences.  L has a lot of strong views on things - from the conflicts in Syria, Egypt and Palestine / Israel - to space exploration, medical science, poverty and politics.  Not all of his views are logical, most of them are very different to my views, or those of his father, some are very emotional responses to news reports, others rather ill-informed knee jerk reactions to headlines, but we talk them through, I point him towards more information if he needs it, and quite often he does the same for me.

He may be only 14 (and a big bit) but he is very capable of critical thought and discussion, without ever having been to school . . .

Dr Stannard also said
'It is also much easier to learn skills like ‘collaboration’ when you are actually working alongside a group of classmates each day.'

Which gives lie to his impression of home education, or unschooling, as a solitary pursuit.  So many of the people invited to comment on the lives of home educators have no idea that there is a community out there waiting.  Fully formed, welcoming, and actively socialising.  Collaboration comes when you have a group of people working towards a common goal - and that is easy to do when you move outside the prescriptive, restrictive cage of school and into the wide expanse of freedom in the real world.  If Dr Stannard has no idea how home educated children socialise then how can his views on any other aspect of home education be trusted?

The other "expert" Julia Harrington, a Headmistress, said
'Research shows that a teenager’s brain demands interaction with other teenagers and will seek it out if it is not there.  In the age of information overload, young people need to know how to filter and show discernment in their processing of information, and it is very difficult to develop this sort of mind-set in a vacuum.'

Again showing the same misunderstanding.  Home education of any sort does not mean social isolation, or growing up in a vacuum!

I wish that the journalist had sought out some experts on education as a whole, not just teachers - someone from the Institute of Education, or one of the various researchers that have published work comparing family based education and school based education, or even some of the hundreds of former teachers who now home educate their own children . . .

More on support

So, one of the reasons that half term was crazy was because we met up with a lovely local ASD support group.

The first session was at a local(ish!) soft play palace.  The group had exclusive use, and it was an evening session, with all height / age restrictions removed.

I have no idea how many children were there, but we took M, J and A.  It is one of the few times we've been somewhere like this and not had issues with other children, or complaints about ours.

The feeling of acceptance was overwhelming, I was able to relax and not worry.  My husband and I had a coffee / hot choc and a natter.  It was lovely :)

The kids had fun too - they all made friends, and there was a mass game of freeze tag going on up in the netting.

We met the same group at the end of the week too - to go bowling.  Again it was an exclusive use, which helped a lot!

Bowling is awkward for us - there is such a spread of ages - 14 down to 6 - and abilities that the scores are always well spread.  Seeing them all up on the screen it is very hard to encourage J and M not to compare and compete. 

We often have upsets because one feels useless compared to the others, or someone decides to try and beat their Dad's score . . . and this session was no different really.

Because we are mad (!) we went from the bowling alley to do a very quick bit of shopping (two things!!) and then on to a home ed Roller Skating session.  A made a new friend there, which was lovely, but M caused a bit of an issue :(

Often when we've been before the main lights are off and disco lights are on.  This time the hall was lit by the main lights, so once he had his skates on M went to ask the leisure centre staff to switch the lights off.  I hadn't noticed that he had gone, because I was still helping A get her skates sorted.  Suddenly the hall went dark - the disco lights weren't on, and now neither were the main lights . . .

There were already people skating, and now it was very *very* dark.

Someone hurried off to find out what was going on, and M came back.  We were then told that the main lights take at least TEN minutes to warm up and come on.  The disco lights came on, but they weren't very bright and a lot of the bulbs seem to have been blown.  So for the next eternity (or so it seemed) the kids skated in semi-darkness.  Eventually the lights came on, slowly, but how daft!

It's nice to know that M feels confident enough to go and ask random adults to do things, not so sure about the staff switching all the lights off without checking . . .

The craziness continued, as when we got home L had a friend visit, then M went out to chess club, J to a social club and A to visit some friends . . .

Pretty indicative of our terribly isolated (!) children's lives really.

Cycles and stress

One of the many things to happen in October that I haven't managed to blog about was a Bikeability course.

We had the opportunity to book our guys on a bike safety course - I guess it's a newer version of cycling proficiency - organised by a local home ed mum via our County Council.

Since L has grown out of his bike and A isn't old enough only M and J went.

The first issue was sorting out their bikes . . . the paperwork said "roadworthy bikes" were required.  Personally I had no idea what that actually meant or what condition the bikes were in, so my husband and I set about checking over the two bikes.

I have never actually owned a bike.  He hasn't had much to do with bikes since he learned to drive decades ago.  Maybe we were not the best suited to do this?  But since we'd left it to the evening before the first session, we had little choice but to give it a go.

Brakes needed to be changed, tightened, realigned.  Reflectors needed fitting, seats sorted, lots of other stuff was erm . . . well . . . fiddled with.

We managed, between us, to get things sorted.  So off we went with two boys and two bikes squeezed into the car.  The sessions began near a community centre - in the tennis courts - and then if the children were safe enough there would be three sessions "on the road".  They had morning and afternoon sessions two days running.

The plan (ha!) was that I would find a bench nearby and read / knit / keep a vague eye on what was happening.  The group was small (six children), the instructor was fully aware of M and J's issues, what could go wrong?!?

Each session was to be 2 hours, and then half an hour for lunch, and parents would be supervising their own children at lunch.

I backed off, had a wander around and discovered there were no benches within clear sight / sound of the tennis court, the grass was too wet to sit on, and it was cold. Just as I was trying to work out where to be, things began to go wrong.

M and J needed helmets tightening, and with their sensory issues they couldn't manage that themselves.  So I stepped in to give them a hand, and then to help two more kids who needed help.

Then the instructor began checking brakes - earlier one of the other Dads had spotted M's brakes needed attention as he was dropping his children off, and *very kindly* sorted out the mess that we hadn't spotted. Things became calm again, until somehow J managed to detach the entire rear brake cable.

Remember how I said I'd never had a bike?  Yeah.  So, ten minutes of looking at the other bikes, and trying to work out how on Earth it had to go back, and we were fixed :)

At which point on of the other kids managed to break the brakes on his bike . . .

I spent a while trying before figuring out I just couldn't fix it, and the poor lad was in tears.  I helped him to calm down, then we needed to negotiate some sort of bike share so he could still join in.  That shouldn't be so hard, apart from the fact that the two children his size in the group are both Autistic . . .

The instructor was focussing on the other children, on getting through the program, so somehow all the talking and fixing ended up being left to me.  I'm *really* glad I stuck around, because otherwise I think it would have been a very stressful time for the whole group.

The children managed to share their bikes well, there were a few sticky moments, but by keeping a close eye on things, and being very encouraging we made it to lunch :)

The helpful Dad came back - and thankfully was able to fix the bike.  The kids relaxed and ate.  Then off the whole group set over the road into a small housing estate.

I went to wait in the library - warmer, dryer, but still close enough if things went wrong.

When the group got back - 2 hours later - the instructor told me that J had been a bit tearful and was very tired.

We went home, warmed up , and chilled for a bit.  Then I spoke to J about what had gone wrong.  He sees his bike as an escape - a way to get out on his own and release tension.  When was on the road, the group they were practicing various turns and junctions, and J kept forgetting to look the way he was being told to.  He had to keep repeating things that the others had mastered.  He felt as though his escape route was no longer a safe thing. He felt that he was stupid compared to the other children.  His last concern was that he wouldn't pass the assessment at the end of the course.

We had a long talk about how he was learning new things, how long a day it was for him, how he was one of the youngest in the group.  I gave him the chance to drop out of the next day if he wanted to.

In the end J decided to go back - as long as his father brought him hot coffee to have with his lunch . . .

At the second days lunch break I checked all was going OK with the instructor - she said both boys were hungry half way through, but otherwise all was good.

We gave them lunch, tea and coffee, and snuck a chocolate biscuit bar into their pockets to stave off hunger in the afternoon.

When they got back from the final session, J was in tears again.  He was worn out and it showed.

Both boys passed their level two bikeability, which made J cry even more.  He had been convinced he was going to fail it. The tears were happiness, relief, and exhaustion.

M was bouncy - very tiggerish -  and the instructor told him to focus on listening rather than telling everyone else what to do. 

As we were leaving M bounded over to give his dad and J a hug - it went wrong, because M nearly pushed the other two over.  That caused M to breakdown too.

Two tired boys, lots of learning, and a pair of certificates.  A bit of a rollercoaster, lots of sitting around waiting for me, but now we can feel a bit more confident that they are safe on their bikes.

Rugby rocks

Today M played in a rugby tournament at the local professional stadium. In itself that would be a cool event for any 11 year old.  For M though there is a history attached that makes it a triumph in many ways.

When we moved to this area four years ago, we knew no one.  Over the first few months we networked a lot, and met a group of local home educators, one of whom coaches at a (fairly) local rugby club.

M was invited to join the club - and after a lot of discussion we encouraged him to do so.

For a while things were OK, but it was clear that M had a learning curve to climb.  I had a couple of conversations with the coach about ways to help M integrate with the team, but I thought things were going in the right direction.

About a year after he joined the club I got a message suggesting that M was well and truly out of his depth, that he wasn't coping with the social interactions at the pitch side, and we were asked to pull him out of the squad.  Things - I was told - were way beyond the point of being salvageable.

We spoke to M.  My husband and I had long meandering conversations.  We felt that the situation wasn't all M's fault - in part the coaching team noticed him joining in with others messing about and targeted him unfairly, in part there was some bad blood on various sides, and in part M didn't understand what he needed to be doing or what he was doing wrong.

We asked M if he wanted to stop going to rugby - he didn't.  We asked if he wanted to switch to another club (my preferred choice), but no, he really didn't want that.  So we set about identifying what the issues were and doing our best to help M to work things out.

A major issue was personal space - at the side of the pitch, when queueing for warm up or training exercises - so we worked through some exercises and talked a lot about that.

We also talked about how M makes himself more visible than other children.  When there is a group messing about M is the most uncoordinated, the loudest, the one taking it a step further than the others.  So we talked about resisting the urge to join in with poor behaviour.  In some ways that felt unfair, but M often gets told off for doing what someone else got away with moments before.

The last part was focusing - and that we couldn't fix by talking.  M found it hard to stay focused for the whole training session, or for the match, and would end up away from the play with no idea what was going on.

It has taken a while, but between the work we have done, a bit of maturity, a slight change in the coaching set up, and the team learning to get along, M is now doing well.

With junior rugby there is a slow introduction of the physical elements of the game - they start off playing "touch rugby" (a touch instead of a tackle), then move on to "tag rugby" (pulling off a Velcro tag rather than a tackle) , then tackles are introduced, and then scrums.  M's age group (under 12's) play with full tackles and a scrum.

M has found a place in the scrum, and has settled with the squad.  There are still issues that an NT child wouldn't have, but he enjoys the game, and plays well.

Today the tournament had a limited number of players per team - and M was chosen - but more than that, he scored a try :)  When they got home M was so happy and proud of himself.

By persevering with rugby, instead of simply walking away M has learnt so much, and he is now a valued member of the team.  It might have been easier to pull him out, but I'm really glad we didn't!

CAMP!

This weekend the children's Scout group had a camp.  The Beavers - A - went on Friday evening, went to Duxford on Saturday, then came home Saturday afternoon.  The Cubs - J - and Scouts - M - were dropped off on Friday evening and picked up on Sunday afternoon. At least that was the plan . . .
First order was packing.

A was no trouble at all.  She was really buzzing - it was her first night away from home.  I asked her to go and find the bits and off she went - all I did was make sure it was all there and pack the bag. 

M needed a bit more prodding.  He finds some clothes intolerable, so packing for him needed to be a bit more supported.  He also has trouble remembering more than three things at a time - so he went up to his room a lot more times ;)  We managed to pull together three days of clothes he was pretty sure he could wear (what he can tolerate varies depending on how stressed he is.)  The bag was huge, adding an airbed didn't help!

J.  Well, what can I say?  Last year there was a disastrous incident for J.  He went to camp as a not quite invested cub.  He was in the same section as M, but hadn't been for long.  This was his first camp - the Beavers call them sleepovers and they are only one night.  He had coped OK with the one nighters.  Somehow this was different.  Perhaps it was just too much all at one time - Uncle N had been visiting, and he was going home after J was dropped off.  L and J's Dad were going with Uncle N to go to a gaming convention. 

Whatever the reason, about three hours after J was dropped off (last year), when his Dad (and the car) were well and truly out of reach J melted down completely.  The leaders called me and I could hear J wailing and screaming in the background.  By then he'd been going for over an hour.  So they brought him home.

The next two days were tough - L and his father weren't due back until Sunday afternoon.  M was to be picked up on Monday.  J wanted to be with me at all times - holding on as if he thought I was going to disappear.  There were lots of tears, a few screams, and a very claustrophobic weekend for me.

J flatly refused to even think about going to camp for a long time, but in July when we picked A up from a day camp he noticed things he wished he had been able to try.  His "no" was softening. When the discussions about this weekend came up, he wanted to go - so we booked and paid for the camp for him.  Then (once we'd said yes) he was less sure.  We had lots of surface worries - little things that were masking the real issue.  We had lots and lots of long conversations, but in the end J didn't go.

When we dropped M and A off the Beaver leader said to me that she was totally different to M and J . . . I thought "Well, yes.  She's NT", but that's not the sort of thing you can say out loud really.

I was pretty sure she would cope fine, and I was right.  She had a great time, and was perfectly happy when she got home. 

I wasn't sure how M would cope - he hasn't been away from home much, and not since his night terrors became such a big thing.  As we dropped him off he was clingy - not helped by the fact that A had to be dropped off half an hour after him, so basically we all sat around doing very little for ages. M yo-yoed between us and the Scouts, not seeming happy or settled.  When it was time for A to go in she bounded in without even saying goodbye to me :)

So the camp happened.  The kids are now home, and everyone is happy :)

Lego club, and a small victory

Today was the first meeting of a new local club - a Lego club.

Organised by a very lovely and enthusiastic local home educator, we met in a library and the boys built!

We all had a list of blocks to bring, and herein lies my downfall :(

Somehow I managed to misread the list and didn't bring enough blocks (specifically we were short of blue blocks).

Can you see it coming?  I didn't . . .

I had prepared for A, J and M to build - L wanted to stay at home because he has a late evening planned. 

We took a big crate of Duplo for the younger ones to play with, and once things started A decided she would rather play with that.

As it turns out I am relieved that she did - she had a great time, and the boys were able to use the bricks I had prepared for her.  I think she enjoys being the older one in a group, and she was thoroughly enjoying building a farm with the younger girls :)

M and J sat together, and I plonked myself in between them hoping to be able to help them both. 

The session began with a short presentation about Mario and his history.  Then the lady leading the group showed us - step by step - how to build an 8-bit Mario.

At the first step we found out I hadn't put enough big blue blocks in.  M was very cross - lots of "I can't do this now!  You've ruined everything."  J was tearing up, collapsing in on himself. 

The lovely lady leading the group reassured them that we could improvise.  M was still cross, J still quiet but we got going.  I used a few techniques I am building up - a head rub for M, back rub for J, lots of praise, forewarning of problems before we hit them, helping them work out what to do rather than leaving them to it and finally pointing out that not many other people had all of the right blocks either.  It helped a lot that the other lad on our table also had problems with missing blocks.

I was worried that we were headed for a big disaster - not being able to follow instructions precisely is a HUGE trigger for both boys.  They feel the weight of expectations keenly, and it often causes meltdowns.

We were moments from a proper collapse from both boys - probably not helped by lack of sleep last night - and somehow in spite of it being a "perfect storm" moment we managed to skirt the edge of the pit and have fun :)

Both boys are pleased with their Marios - and I am too.  All in all a good day :)

Learning when to push

Tuesday was another interesting day here.

Last week I heard that a local youth group had spaces - L has been asking me to help him find new ways to meet people, so I asked him if he fancied it.

He did, so I asked if he could fill the space.  The youth worker confirmed the details, and he was all set to join them this Tuesday for Kayaking.

But then the worries set in.  Being a big brother L has not been many places on his own - usually either his father or I are there, or his younger brothers, or more recently other people he already knows.  This was a first for him - a new group with no one he knew, no ice breakers or brothers to be with, just him.

For the whole week we had grumblings.  On Thursday L managed to get a friction burn / graze on his forearm which was pretty bad and was weeping a lot.  He felt that was a good reason not to go.  We gave it time, and by Tuesday whilst it hadn't healed completely it was coverable and much smaller. He still wasn't happy though.  We had some pretty deep discussions, and "unpacked" his insecurities a bit. 

It was actually refreshing to be able to discuss it rationally with him - L is level headed and calm about a lot of things. I tried to deal with things by running through why I felt this was a good thing, and why at 14 1/2 he was ready to branch out a bit.  He was still not happy about going, so I listened and empathised, without agreeing to him not going.  I had to push him fairly hard, and he outright told me he wasn't going, he thought I was bullying him, he felt I was being controlling.

We set out together to the place the group was going to pick him up from, and he was resigned and grumpy.  He went though.

When I got a call from him later to go and meet him at the same spot he was happy.  He'd had fun, felt able to mix with the others, chatted to one of the youth workers about dyslexia, and met another home educated lad.  He'd also found he wasn't bad at kayaking :)

Chatting later, he was glad I pushed him to go, but hated that I had at the same time.  He's looking forward to next Tuesday, and I think we have a success :)

At the same time M bought home a task from Scouts last Tuesday - find a famous historical figure from our town, learn about them and present the information to the group this week.  I had reminded him three times in the intervening week that he needed to do the leg work, but unsurprisingly we found ourselves with two hours to go before he had to go out manically trying to pull the info together. 

Should I have pushed him earlier?  Perhaps.  But he resisted every reminder and suggestion that we do it together.  He needed to feel it was urgent before he was ready to begin. Should I then have just left it? I don't think so because he would have been miserable if he hadn't done it, and the piece of writing he produced was pretty good.

There are lots of people who advocate being totally child-led, in both the above cases that would have meant I just left the boys to it, L wouldn't have broadened his horizons, and M would have felt stressed that he wouldn't get the badge. I don't think either of those would have been ideal, so encouraging them was the better choice.

It's a fine line to walk, but I think that sometimes supporting these kids means pushing them to step beyond the comfortable. 

Support

It is hard to underestimate the power of support.  No, I don't mean a good bra ;) I mean the strength that is gained by spending time with other people who really *get it*.

Before we decided to get J and M assessed I did a lot of reading.  I learnt a lot about ASD and related conditions - I felt that I needed to know what was wrong before I began the struggle to get a diagnosis.

Somehow though, even though I was pretty sure I knew the issues - to a degree - I didn't feel comfortable reaching out and finding other people locally that had children with ASD.

I wish I had reached out earlier, but it took CAMHs taking us seriously and agreeing there were issues before I felt genuine.  I thought other people whose children had a diagnosis were more "official", that our experiences wouldn't count.

It's not true folks!  If you suspect an issue, look on Facebook for a local support group, then go and meet them!

We have met with two groups locally, and I have had online conversations with people in two or three others, and not once have I been shunned because we don't have a diagnosis yet.  I have also now made friends with a good number of local home educators whose children have difficulties and differences.

The best bit is what we have found - understanding.  I never realised how much that would mean.  The understanding that when something goes wrong it's (usually) not malicious, the recognition that sometimes the boys do *odd* things, that sometimes they need a bit more time, or space.

It makes me think of :

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves    

Only in this case it's sharing the adventures, quirks and oddities of our children.

It is good to hear that other peoples children do the things M and J do - the things that drive me mad - because that shows those things are a feature of their issues, not naughtiness.

It is great to get to know home educators whose children have oddities too - in some of them I can see what would have happened if M and J had gone to school, in others I can see issues developing that we have overcome, in yet others I can see what might be coming our way.  In every case it is an awesome feeling to listen, to share and to be listened to, because this can be a tough road.  With a good support group around us it needn't be a lonely road.

Each of us has a different perspective on our children, different experiences to share, different challenges to overcome, but together we really are stronger.

Tired!

We had a rather busy weekend, and it's starting to show . . .

On Saturday we played another session of the Pathfinder role-playing game.  The scenario is called Reign of Winter, and we are about 10 game sessions in - J has a dwarven fighter called Thorin, M a human cleric called Palin, L an elven ranger called Heredir and I am a human sorcerer called Pirri.

The game came about because we wanted to play together more, because J wants to go to the games club but needs more practise at playing and because M and L don't get to role-play much in a lot of the games they play due to time constraints.

We start each session with a question for each of us to answer about our character - to build up the back story and help them become more than a sheet of numbers.

J has a lot to learn - just now he is seeing all the cool things the other player characters (PC's) do and wishing his character could do them.  He isn't realising that each character has different things to bring to the game, he wishes he could do EVERYTHING. 

M and L need to learn to relax together - they are both very good at "advising" the other on what to do. 

So, Saturday afternoon we spent three hours playing, whilst A played out front with her local friends.

Sunday morning I took part in "Messy Harvest" at our church and did a craft activity (one of six on offer) with the children there. A came with me, J was meant to but chose not to in the end.  M went to his rugby club, and L stayed home with J playing minecraft.

Later A and M went to a bag-pack for their scout troop.  That is when they are in uniform standing at the tills in a supermarket offering to pack bags of shopping for donations.  I was dreading it! A is helpful and polite, I knew she would be fine, but M is a bit prone to clumsiness and dropping stuff . . . I also worried that he would be bored and cause mischief.  As it turns out the group look like they raised a fair amount of money, A and M both behaved, and all went well.

Today was roller-skating at multi sports, which they all loved.  Again, all was happy and chilled.

Lastly we went to a local soft play place - it's new, and pretty huge.  It was one of the children's friends birthday, so off we went to play for the afternoon with some other local home educators.

It was nice to see the new place, I don't think I'd like it outside of school time though - it was loud enough today with not so many people in there.

Most of the afternoon was great - in spite of lots of spilled drinks (not by my guys though!) - and we only had one problem when J clashed with an older boy.  I talked to him, to the other child's mother, and she talked to her so and all was sorted quickly and efficiently.

So a good weekend, a good Monday, and now I need to make sure we all have enough down time to relax and keep things going in the right direction.

Jumping back on the horse

September always feels a bit like a new beginning for me, but this year we seem to be hitting that point a little later than usual.  With the summer holidays (and the summer weather) a fading memory, Uncle N's visit over and clubs restarting we are finally getting back to what passes for "normal" in this house.

Life here has rhythms, patterns, right now they are reasserting themselves - and all of us are embracing them, enjoying the return of our routine. 

The summer for us is a time of relaxing, no clubs, no structure, lots of visits to parks and friends. As the weather turns we tend to retreat indoors a bit more - we still go out and see friends but it's more likely to be at their home (or ours), we still go to parks, but it will be a shorter stay, not hours of playing in the warm sunshine.  We generally become a bit more bookish too.  Over the past few years I have learnt to embrace this - I think of it as tidal learning - sometimes we are more structured, other times more impulsive.  I don't believe - not for one moment - either is better, or more conducive to learning, but I do think both have their place and time, both fill a need and as long as the children are happy I am happy to go with what is right for them right now.

Today was the first Multi-sports session of the new academic year.  With a new coach and lots of new children it was a "team building" session, with lots of short games.  Normally the kids do one sport for half an hour then switch. 

It was also A's first session, and she enjoyed it a lot :)

A went into the session happily, seems to have joined in and didn't come out part way complaining. 

It's interesting to think about how different that is to any of the boys - L has always watched for one or two sessions before joining in, M bounds in like an enthusiastic puppy ignoring social norms and niceties - creating waves, J tries for a bit then backs off.  None of the boys were ready for activities that didn't involve parents at 6, none of them liked being left places without us.  I wonder what made the difference?  A knew a lot of the children involved, two of her brothers were there, they have been going for ages and she wanted to join in, and of course she is NT.  Perhaps all of that.  Perhaps none, and it's just because she is A and they are themselves.

M, unfortunately came out of the hall bouncy and pushing boundaries - which has continued since we got home. When he did the group assessments with CAMHs they noticed that he became "Hyper aroused" by physical activities, and I think that this morning we've seen more of that.  I hope that it's just his being "out of practise" after an 8 week break . . .

So, multi sport today, but what else shapes our week?

Monday evenings L goes to a friends house to play role playing games.  At the moment the game is on hiatus because the family are preparing to move, but in the past they have played D&D, Shadow run and MechWarrior.

Tuesday evenings A does Beavers, J Cubs and M Scouts.  This can be a bit of a logistical nightmare because I can't drive, so my husband has to yo-yo to get everyone where they need to be.  The groups are also awful at co-ordinating, and we've had two children meant to be dropped off and picked up at the same time but different places quite often.

Wednesdays J and A used to go to a children's social club, but that has just folded - I am hoping to find a replacement soon.  M and L go to a games club in a nearby town.  Every other week they stay on to play at the adult games club and my husband gets to play too.

Thursdays A does Girls Brigade, and I go to the nearby pub with a good friend :)

Fridays - once a month we go to a ranger led park session, we did pond dipping last week :) Then it's back home for M to go to chess club, J to go to a church social club and A to go to a friends house.

Sundays is Rugby for M and church for A and I.

Once a month we are going to a home ed book club, and an inclusive sports club.  We have also started to go to another club for children with SEN and their siblings - at the moment we're joining activities a bit randomly, but the group runs stuff most weeks so we'll have to see how that goes.

Add in to this one off trips and more informal meets - like visiting a friend or them coming here, park meet ups, kids playing out, family trips - and our week fills up very quickly!

I like having a busy life, but sometimes it's just a little manic trying to fit it all in!

Not just fun and games . . . .

When I was a child, playing a family board game meant playing Monopoly.  The thought filled me with dread, and if we did eventually play my big sister would always cheat. 

Now, with children of my own, playing games is an integral part of our lives.  We have all learnt a lot from playing games together, more than most people realise is possible.

There are games out there that set out to be educational – we tend to avoid those because a lot of times the fun gets pushed out as the “education” gets squeezed in, but pretty much all games are educational if you know what you’re looking at.

There are obvious points – games with dice encourage quick maths, games with cards mean quick reading, taking turns is essential, and winning or loosing gracefully is a serious life skill. 

There are less obvious points though . . .

We have children with specific difficulties, and for them playing games is an essential part of learning to be.  J has ASD, and with that comes a lot of impatience, and a lack of understanding of others.  The last two points in my list above – taking turns and winning or loosing gracefully – are vital skills for life.  They have also been hard lessons for him to learn.  For the past four years we have worked through a series of stages with him.  At first he was not interested in the games we played.  Then he would come and watch for a bit.  A few months later he would declare he was on someone’s team and playing with them.  Quite often he’d stay with the game for a couple of turns then drift away.  It took years to move from playing with another person to playing by himself, but now he manages to stick with games that last a couple of hours.  Slowly and gently he has stretched his attention span, expanded the length of time he can be around other people, and at the same time practised taking turns and giving others time “in the spot light” (ie not being annoying and attention seeking when it is another persons turn.)  Along side this we have had to help him work on managing his emotions when he looses.  As a family of six, with frequent visitors, J doesn’t win every time – or even anything close to half the time – and showing him that he could have fun playing a game without that time being wasted if he didn’t win has helped us in lots of other situations.

A key point is that the skills J is learning whilst playing games and having fun are directly transferable to “real life”.  Taking turns?  That one is obvious.  Being gracious in defeat is less so – often as adults we debate something, and the decision made by a group is not what we wanted.  As a child seeing the upside of not getting your own way helps in a wide range of situations – from choosing which game to play, which film to watch, whose turn it is first on the computer, which park we go to, down to decisions about food, who sits where in the car, who holds the dogs lead.  Getting used to not “winning” but still being able to be happy really counts for a lot.

L (our eldest) is dyslexic.  So reading has always been a chore for him.  So many games we play have small amounts of reading – sometimes just a few words, at most a sentence or two– and when he was resisting any form of reading he would still read to play games.  As a teenager L can often struggle both with having younger siblings, and with his brothers differences.  Playing games together helps to build tolerance and understanding. 

M (too many letters to list here!) has lots of difficulties.  He finds social interaction can go wrong quite quickly and he has no idea why. Games give him a structure to his interactions, and that lets him relax because he knows the rules, and he knows how to function in the situation.  Like J games have stretched M’s attention span, taught him to take turns, and to be relaxed about the outcome of a game.   He has also learnt to think ahead, to plan before acting, to look for consequences of any particular move or play.  Games have also taught him to budget his pocket money, and take care of his possessions.

 
As a family, we find that we can spend time together over a game with all the kids taking part – from the 14 year old down to the 6 year old.  Games give us so much more than I remember as a child . . . and the children don't even realise :)

In the next post I'll look at some of our favourite games, how they play and why we like them.