Days twenty and twenty one

The weekend was busy - which is why I'm writing this on Monday evening ;)

Saturday was mostly eaten up by our family Pathfinder* session, with A playing out for most of the day.

After the game L cooked - he made burgers from scratch and some wedges, which we ate whilst watching Dr Who.  J and I are getting a cold, so early nights were had by all.

Other stuff happened over the day - J read to A, there was some drawing, and some mine crafting (of course!)

On Sunday M had another rugby match - the team played much better this week, although they still lost, and there was a definite feeling that they are settling in o their new roles at long last :)

A and I went to church - she began a series of lessons on Saul / St Paul, I continued trying to get three boisterous lads to think about Abraham.  I had them carrying a tent around, then pitching it, and we played a variant of "I went to the moon and I brought . . ." which ran along the lines of "Abraham went to the desert and he took . . ." I was quite pleased with the idea of the game, but it didn't work as well as it could have - we have a child in the group with quite unclear speech, and whilst I can normally translate he has a cold which makes it all worse :(

After that we all went to my in laws house for a birthday celebration.  Family gatherings can be very stressful with two Autistic children in a small space - especially when you add in people they barely know who have no understanding of their quirks.  Surprisingly the boys were well behaved, and whilst there were a few sticky moments none of them were caused by M or J :)

We got back very late, so there was a brief story and then bed for all :)

*Pathfinder is a roleplaying game, and we are playing an on going story called Reign of Winter. 

Day eleven - at this rate I might make it to the weekend without having to do a mass catch-up post :)

Hmmmmm, today is hard to put into words.

Wednesday, as I said yesterday, is an awkward day.  It starts and ends too late really.

Today started late - again!  Everyone was tired, and we basically did nothing much all morning.

The kids played Mine Craft and Terraria, they chatted, discussed strategies, and basically got on with each other :) The younger three still do things together spontaneously during the day - a mass Mine craft building session (they have a pretty awesome town under construction,) bike rides, watching TV or youtube, and so on.  L finds it harder to engage with them, but will play with his brothers on his Xbox occasionally.

After lunch we played Pathfinder* together - it's a family campaign**, and we're are a year into it.  The session went well, but took most of the afternoon.

A went to Girls Brigade, not sure what else they did but she made a cup-monster filled with tissue paper and cress seeds, and there was a video towards the end.

After that the kids all chatted to Uncle N via Skype, we ate dinner, and now it's bed time - we've reached Queen Victoria in Our Island Story :)

So, life was lived, they all did STUFF, and the day passed.

* Pathfinder is a role-playing game***
** Reign of winter, if you must know!
*** Far too tricky to explain in a footnote - google D & D for more info :)

Sunshine, writing and being us :)

It's been a while . . . So much is going on here that it's hard to find a quiet moment to marshal my thoughts, and I'm exhausted, which makes it even more likely that I'll end up writing nonsense ;)

A week or so ago we had to fill in the paperwork for L's exam entry.  Somehow that made us realise how little time he has left to get his head around the syllabus, even though we all knew the dates and he's doing fine.  That has mean that he and I are spending more and more time ploughing through his books - and that really is a time sink!  For the most part it's going well, even though it's a long way from the maths I know and understand.  As much as anything I am learning with him, and I find that gives L more confidence if he gets stumped. A phrase that keeps cropping up is that "it's not a test", so if he needs to work things through with me it's not a big deal. 

For a long time L was a perfectionist.  If he did a page of maths and got 19/20 he'd be upset about the one that was wrong.  Finally we're overcoming that - because so much of the syllabus is new to us, or takes things we know further, L is at long last accepting that he can do well without a perfect score.  That said he's usually hitting well above 90%, so all is good :)

We have begun working through Write from the start - a sort of hand-writing program.  All four children are doing it, mostly happily.  The exercises are designed to improve hand eye co-ordination, pen control, to work with the proprioceptive system, to develop visual discrimination and generally to come at things from a neuro-developmental slant rather than just a repetitive one.  All four children had difficulties with the first exercise  - though different difficulties (as ever!) 

The task was to put a single dot inside a small circle.  The aim was to improve precision, develop and awareness of how hard to press the pen(cil) down, to work on hand movements and pen-grip. The circles were in columns, and got progressively closer together. L was fine to begin with, when there was a lot of space around the circles, but as they got closer together he found it increasingly hard to see clearly what he was doing.  I'm guessing this is a dyslexia thing, and hoping that by working on it we can help other reading issues.  M found it hard to get the dots to be dots rather than lines.  He struggled from the start, but improved as the exercise went on.  J was very disorganised in his filling things in - he found it hard to start at the top left and "read" across, and kept missing our circles.  A found her hand got sore half way through, but otherwise was fine.

I'm hoping that since each of them had quite specific issues, working through the program will help them improve - if they'd all whizzed through it without a pause it might feel like a waste of time / money. And since the issues were so clear, it should be easy to keep track of how things are going.  We're on the eighth exercise now, all of them are still fairly happy to keep going - I think it helps that the sheets only take about 5-10 mins to complete, and aren't particularly hard. So far we've had an improvement in the tasks themselves, but not in their writing.  I'm hopeful though :)

I like the program, it seems very gentle in its increasing difficulty and short tasks are easier to fit in.  I hope that it will work - I've read lots of positive things about it - I'll let you all know how things go :)

In other news . . . the weather!  Wow! It's been so lovely here we've been out enjoying it :)  We went to a local rec' and L flew his quadcopter - he's actually really good - the rest of us just hit each other with foam weapons.  Then L joined in the melee.  We have a large number of weapons - all of them are designed to look like fantasy weapons, for use as costume in Live Action Role Play (LARP), and they are all safe for LARP fighting.  Made from foam, with a solid core, then coated in either rubber or latex they do sting, but rarely hurt (every now and then a freak shot catches someone badly, but really that's unavoidable in this sort of playing)

We all really enjoy this sort of "fighting" :) It's a great way to burn off energy, and it is a big adrenalin rush.  The kids enjoy ganging up on my husband and I, and it is just a very "us" thing to do.  There are probably all sorts of "soft" skills being learnt too though - hand eye co-ordination, consideration for others, not to charge from too far away or you'll be exhausted by the time you get there . . .

So, here are a few pics . . .





A didn't get hurt BTW, J is very good at not *actually* making contact :)




Someone's gonna catch her biggest brother . . . .



General Melee

Just to prove M was there too :)

Home again, home again, Jiggety jig

Well, we're back :) Time to get life back on track and re-embrace our "normal".

Last week we were at one of our favourite places - ConCeption, a gaming convention on the south coast.  It was awesome :)  As with everything in our lives, this particular chunk of awesomness was coloured by the children's quirks and additional needs, but not always in a negative way.

When we go away M and J feel a need to plan.  That's pretty normal, but M in particular takes normal and magnifies it about 100X.  M's planning started back in October, and he has been telling friends about what would happen for a very long time.  In order to try and get this under control at the very start of January we wrote lists - what they both wanted to pack, what they wanted to play, even (in J's case) what they would wear on the way down.  Since there was some writing involved A decided to hop onto the band waggon - although her list was much shorter, and didn't actually get looked at once she had written it.

When it came to the time we wanted to pack, this was the easiest year yet.  We have now fully embraced M's sensory issues, so most of his clothes are ones he is happy to wear (this does change depending on his stress levels, but now we never buy something for him without his trying it on and approving it.)  So I was able to say things like "six pairs of trousers! Go!" and they did!  It was a bit chaotic, lots of clothes everywhere, I had to go through and fold things, quietly checking for holes in knees of trousers as I went, but all four children managed to sort things themselves.

The biggest issue we had was space - with six of us, a weeks clothing, and *lots* of games, the car felt far too small.  There was quite a bit of negotiating about which games would be taken, which could fit into the same box and how we could keep them from getting damaged en route.  In the end we took far more games than we played, but far less than M wanted to.

For the first time in years not only Uncle N, but also Uncle M were there.  Uncle N always comes, staying in the same lodge as us, but having another adult about really changed the dynamic, and made for an almost stress free week :)

This is the perfect convention for us - for the first half there are very few children older than about 3 around, and those that are there we have known all their lives.  We often have the pool to ourselves, and the soft play is similarly exclusive.  That means that M, J and A get to relax when it's not at all busy, they get to do things without having to wait or take turns, they get to be in control.  From the Friday night onwards more children arrive - again mostly ones we have known forever - and the kids play well in groups, having already explored and done most of the things they wanted to do.  It's very interesting to see that all four of the offspring slot back into the social groups naturally, they know the other children well enough despite only spending one week of the year together, there is a tolerance of each others differences and very rarely any upsets at all.  We had no tears / complaints / grumps this year, not from our guys or any of the other children.  It really is a very relaxing place to be.

J and A played their first convention games that were not run by one of "us" this year - they played the Pathfinder Kids Track - and they both loved it.  There were two games, each lasted four hours, but had several breaks.  The guys running it were well prepared, very enthusiastic, and there were three of them to the two kids :)  It was great to see both of the littlies really getting into things, and one way or another they both played every day we were there :)

M and L played standard Pathfinder games with their dad and Uncle N.  They both cope fairly well at a table with random adults, and had a blast.

For M gaming like this is perfect - there are rules, which give his socialisation shape and form, he knows his character well, which makes him relax and feel able to contribute, and he is actually a very good tactician, which makes him an asset to the table.  L is shyer, finds it harder to speak up to strangers, but once he relaxes he shines.  Playing games like this helps both boys with reading / maths / writing, because there is a need to do all of those things quickly and independently.  It's good practise, even though neither of them are learning anything new.

L sometimes finds M too much (he's not alone there, TBH) so we organised a game with Uncle M running, and L, Uncle N, My husband and I playing.  L came out of his shell, and really enjoyed himself.  It helps that Uncle M is a really good GM, and that we were all having fun too.  One of those games where everyone hits the perfect notes and it just takes off.

On the Saturday morning M played a solo game with uncle N, using the Savage Worlds rules set, then in the afternoon I ran a game called "Little Wizards" aimed at children, and it was chaotic!  I'll write up the story and post it later.  J and A both played, as did 6 other children. 

On the Sunday I ran an interactive game (again for children.  Do you see a pattern!)  These games are generally called LRP's, and instead of saying "my character will do XX" you go and do it.  Mostly they are based around "talky" situations, and it is a great opportunity to get into a character and have fun.  Again J and A played this whilst the other two played Pathfinder with their dad and uncle.

Sunday afternoon J played a very old game called Star Wars D6, based in the Star Wars universe, with a very simple rules mechanic, I played with him as uncle N ran the game.  It took him a little while to settle, but he had a blast.

At some point M bought a new game - Cosmic patrol - and read most of the rule book in the down time between games.  As with most RPG rule books this one was pretty long - novel sized - and needed to be concentrated on.  M was his usual dedicated (obsessive?) self, and determined to read it before we left, I don't think I could have convinced him to read that much, even with the best novels we have here.

Monday morning came around too soon, and we had to say goodbye not only to the uncles, but also to the holiday park.  Both M and J cried, but that was to be expected, they hate leaving places / people.

On the way home we stopped at Marwel Zoo, but that is another post (with pictures!)

There is so much more to say, but I'll have to cogitate on it a bit longer, however -

we are back. 

Life resumes. 

J is off to the hospital tomorrow for an outpatients appointment . . .

Drowning, and juggling badly at the same time

There. 
I've said it. 
I'm drowning.
Drowning in a hundred things that need to be done RIGHT NOW!
And hiding from a fist full of things that should have been done a long time ago.

In a couple of weeks we are going away.  This is a good thing.  Really it is!

Every year we go to a fantastic games convention called ConCeption (yes, I know.  I didn't name it!)  We have been going since it started - this is our 14th year.  It is a place of happy memories, familiar enough to feel like "Home" and full of friends. 

The children are so far beyond excited it's scary.  In September M began asking how long it was until we went away.  Even the fact that Christmas was before ConCeption didn't stop the holiday being their focus.

I kinda feel sorry for a dear friend - S - who has been told about the event in detail every time we have seen her for months now!

So why am I drowning?  Well, this is a games convention, there will be much playing of role playing games there (as well as card and board / boxed games.)  And each year I run some children's games.  This year is no exception - I am scheduled to run two kids games, and one game for my brother in law (the infamous Uncle N who always comes with us.)

And therein lies the problem.  None of the games are written - one is very almost done.  Needs proof reading and a tiny bit of character creation.  The game for N I have no ideas for at all.  And the final game - a Pirate LRP - I have ideas for, but they are refusing to line up and be sensible. 

The main issue is that my creativity drains away when I am tired, and right now I am exhausted.  M is back to regular night terrors (though usually very short ones), and I am feeling run down :(

Add to that some organisational stress at Church (where I co-ordinate Junior church, no where near as grand / impressive as it sounds!), a bit of family stress, reorganising the kitchen as we have run out of work space (new microwave taking up too much room), a bookshelf needing drastic repairs, having to sort and archive home ed stuff, storing things in the loft - which then needed a bit of reorganising and The Letter, and that's why I'm drowning.  Too many balls in the air, and not one I can easily afford to drop.

Oh, The Letter?  Didn't I mention?  We got the report of J's last assessment, and it is full of factual errors.  We need to write correcting it - it's really that bad.  It says he had surgery to have grommets fitted - his hearing has always been 100%.  No surgery needed.  Some problems I listed have been minimised and trivialised, and others have been left out entirely.  The conclusions given look very much like a dismissal of our major concerns, even if they have agreed to further assessments.  The report made me feel really angry - like I had been to a different meeting than the person who wrote it - and I am struggling to work out how to phrase things politely but firmly.  We need these people to listen to us, not write off our worries.  I think I have written a dozen letters in my head, but none that really fit the requirements.

I am determined that I will get it all done in time, and if I don't it won't be through lack of trying!
 But I am starting to worry now.

Rat-a-tat-cat, review and other stuff. . .

Whilst we were in Leisure games last week A bought herself two new games. 

It was only after a long convoluted discussion that she didn't buy more dice - true gamer-chick there ;)

This afternoon the kittens were chasing a large D20 around the living room, so J decided even the pets here are gamers . . .

The first game A bought was Rat-a-tat-cat - made by Gamewrights, a publisher we know and trust :)

The game is a turn based card game, but it has some interesting twists to the usual rules.

Cards are numbered zero to nine, with cats for the numbers up to five, and rats from then on.  The pictures are well drawn, and have a nice sense of humour to them.  The aim of the game is to get the lowest score.

You start with four cards face down in front of each player, the rest of the deck is the draw pile, but the top card is flipped to begin the discard pile.

At the start of the game you may look at the two outer cards (number one and four in front of you) but NOT the other two.  Unless you get a special card later on you may not look at these cards again.  For younger players the game can be played with these outlying cards face up.

On your turn you may either take the top discard card, and switch it with one of your cards (face downs stay face down on the table) OR draw the top card from the draw pile, show it to your opponent(s) and decide whether to play it or not.  It may be a numbered card (switch with one of your face down cards) or one of three "Specials" - these are Swap (swap one of your cards with an opponents, you may not look at the cards you exchange)Draw two (draw another card, decide if you want to play it, if not discard it and draw another) or Peek (look at one of your own face down cards.) You always have the choice of playing or discarding it, but specials on the discard pile do not have their special powers intact.

The round continues until one player knocks on the table and declares "Rat-a-tat-cat" (when they are satisfied with their score), at which point the opponents get one last turn and then the scores are worked out.

Scoring is easy - add up the cards in front of you.  If you have a special it is discarded and a random card drawn to replace it.

The game is played over an agreed number of rounds, we do five, which allows everyone to get the hang of what they are meant to be doing.

We like the game, it encourages a bit of maths, some strategy, some watching of opponents, and plays quickly.  A - at 7 - is fully able to understand the rules, J - 9 - enjoys the game too.  I suspect that M would enjoy it as a way to connect with younger children, but at 11 he is a little old for it really.

Ticket to ride - review and ramblings :)

A week ago we ended up in one of our favourite places in the world.  The inimitable Leisure Games, an Aladdin's cave of wonderfully obscure board games, innovative  European games, Role playing games, and so much more.  My kids love it there, all of them couldn't wait to spend their pocket money - which is often hoarded for such trips.  The staff are awesome, and good for advice, even the other customers are pretty cool - with one random dude offering A advice when she couldn't decide between two games.  And the dude was right - the one she picked is *very* much A's cup of tea :)

Amongst other games we finally picked up a copy of Ticket to ride - hubby has had the app on his tablet for ages, and lots of friends have raved about it, so I kinda feel we're a bit late to this particular party.

The game is pretty simple in it's mechanics, by collecting different coloured cards you are able to claim various rail routes between American cities, earning points as you go.

Because each turn you only get to do one of the various actions turns move quickly and it keeps everyone engaged really well. 

To start the game each player is dealt three "Quest" cards, which are scored by linking two cities in a continuous route, the more connections you need to make the higher the score.  These cards are hidden, and not revealed to other players until the end of the game.  Any quest you haven't completed deducts from your score . . . Each player has to keep at least two of the initial cards dealt to them, so there is some wiggle room in deciding what you will do.

You are also dealt four carriage cards, these are what you have to collect to claim routes.

Five further carriage cards are then placed face up beside the draw pile, and the remaining quest cards.

During your turn you can either :

1. Take two face up carriage cards (except jokers)
2. Take one face up Joker
3. Take two carriage cards from the draw pile
4. Take one face up carriage card and one from the draw pile
5. Claim a route
6. Take a new quest (draw three, keep at least one)

There is a mixture of routes on the board - some need specific colour cards, others are grey and can be claimed with any colour, they are between one and six carriages long (requiring one - six matching cards to claim, and having the claiming players train carriages placed along the route.) Play continues until one player is down to two carriages to place on the board, and then everyone gets one last turn.

We have played in various combinations of people now, and all of the family enjoy the game - J plays fairly randomly with not much strategy, M seems to be thinking several turns ahead.

It works well on an adult basis - My husband, L and I have played and all enjoyed it - we were a bit more strategic, and a bit more competitive than when we played with the younger ones ;)

A is still a little young to play alone, but I think that once she is familiar with the game she will be able to play independently too.

There is subtle learning going on - as with games like Risk there is a degree of learning where the places named are, but there is also a lot of quick thinking required.  The turns move fast, and often the other players claim routes you need, so it is helping M and J learn to look for alternatives before giving up on a quest.  There is also a need to learn when to sit back and gather resources, and when to claim routes and make the best of what you can do. 

All told this was a good addition to our games shelves, and I can see it getting a lot of use.

Tired!

We had a rather busy weekend, and it's starting to show . . .

On Saturday we played another session of the Pathfinder role-playing game.  The scenario is called Reign of Winter, and we are about 10 game sessions in - J has a dwarven fighter called Thorin, M a human cleric called Palin, L an elven ranger called Heredir and I am a human sorcerer called Pirri.

The game came about because we wanted to play together more, because J wants to go to the games club but needs more practise at playing and because M and L don't get to role-play much in a lot of the games they play due to time constraints.

We start each session with a question for each of us to answer about our character - to build up the back story and help them become more than a sheet of numbers.

J has a lot to learn - just now he is seeing all the cool things the other player characters (PC's) do and wishing his character could do them.  He isn't realising that each character has different things to bring to the game, he wishes he could do EVERYTHING. 

M and L need to learn to relax together - they are both very good at "advising" the other on what to do. 

So, Saturday afternoon we spent three hours playing, whilst A played out front with her local friends.

Sunday morning I took part in "Messy Harvest" at our church and did a craft activity (one of six on offer) with the children there. A came with me, J was meant to but chose not to in the end.  M went to his rugby club, and L stayed home with J playing minecraft.

Later A and M went to a bag-pack for their scout troop.  That is when they are in uniform standing at the tills in a supermarket offering to pack bags of shopping for donations.  I was dreading it! A is helpful and polite, I knew she would be fine, but M is a bit prone to clumsiness and dropping stuff . . . I also worried that he would be bored and cause mischief.  As it turns out the group look like they raised a fair amount of money, A and M both behaved, and all went well.

Today was roller-skating at multi sports, which they all loved.  Again, all was happy and chilled.

Lastly we went to a local soft play place - it's new, and pretty huge.  It was one of the children's friends birthday, so off we went to play for the afternoon with some other local home educators.

It was nice to see the new place, I don't think I'd like it outside of school time though - it was loud enough today with not so many people in there.

Most of the afternoon was great - in spite of lots of spilled drinks (not by my guys though!) - and we only had one problem when J clashed with an older boy.  I talked to him, to the other child's mother, and she talked to her so and all was sorted quickly and efficiently.

So a good weekend, a good Monday, and now I need to make sure we all have enough down time to relax and keep things going in the right direction.

Games we love

 

So, what games do we play, and where do we find them?  We like European boxed games, because they seem to be much more innovative.  They aren’t a variation of snakes and ladders, or just a “roll the die and move X squares”

 

This game is called The Enchanted Forest – by Ravensburger – You begin at one end of the board, and have to find various treasures.  The treasure pictures are on the base of the trees, and you have to get to specific spaces to look at them.  You roll two six sided dice and can combine the rolls or move independently.  There is a small deck of cards that show the treasures, one will be drawn randomly to show you what to look for, then when you know where it is you have to get to the castle to tell the king.  The combination of memory, strategy and a little bluffing, makes for a nicely playable game.  You can play it pretty straight forwardly, or as the kids get older you can play more strategically.  A(6) and J(9) really like this one.

 

 

This is “The amazing labyrinth” (also by Ravensburger).  You move through the maze collecting treasures, but the maze shifts each turn as a loose tile card is used to push things around.  Each time you set it up the maze it is different, which makes this game fun to come back to repeatedly.  Our daughter A (6) has begun to tell a story as the game goes along, which is a fun addition.

 

We like a fist full of penguins for lots of reasons . . . firstly J is a bit penguin obsessed, which is why we picked it up.  Thankfully it also plays well J This is a dice based game, where you roll a set of six sided dice and depending on which animals you roll you score different amounts.  The penguins can be used to re-roll or “buy” extra dice.  The game is limited to three turns each, which makes it a great way to fill half an hour.  It is also quite strategic and encourages a lot of comparative maths. 

 

 

Make N Break is a timed game that encourages visual discrimination and hand eye  co-ordination.  You roll a die to see how long you get, then set the timer.  During your time you build the structures on the cards from the ten differently coloured wooden blocks. You race to see how many points you can get within your time.  For younger children you can get rid of the timer, and you can also play on your own too. 

 

Another fast paced game is jungle speed.  Although you can play with more, it works best as a two player game.  Essentially it is a game of snap, with colourful cards that can be very similar to one another.  The hook though is that you have two stacks of cards each, and turn them with different hands.  When you see a match you have to grab the wooden totem – with the correct hand!  It plays well, encourages quick thought and visual discrimination, as well as hand eye co-ordination.

 

Pitch car is another very good game – the track is made of different pieces that fit together like a jigsaw to give you lots of different tracks to play.  Then you flick your car around the track in a straight forward race.  There is also a pitch car mini set, which is the same game, just on a smaller scale.

 

We have a soft spot for Cube Quest, because we met the designers when it launched as king brick – a game made in their garage.  Now it’s being made on a much more professional level, by Game Wright.  Essentially, you have cubes that are your army, and you try to knock your opponents king off the play board. You can play it as a straight forward game, or you can be very strategic about which cubes you use, where you place them and so on.  The cubes have different faces, and different “special abilities”, which alter the game play as you go along.

 

Lords of Waterdeep is a game aimed at older children – I would say 10+, unless they are experienced with lots of games.  Over eight turns you complete different quests to earn victory points.  Each player is a “lord of Waterdeep” but doesn’t know which Lord the others are.  At the end of the game each lord will score bonus points for specific types of quest.  This plays well – but is a longer more complex game than the ones above.

 

 

Pandemic is a co-operative game in which the players race to save the world from four different diseases.  One of the nice side effects of this game is that it uses city names as locations, meaning that the children are all getting quite familiar with where those cities are.  This game plays well, and is fun.  It is a pretty strategic game, meaning it will probably be better for those of 10+.

 

 

Forbidden Island is another co operative game, but much simpler than pandemic.  In this game the team of players is racing to collect four treasures from an island that is sinking. Each turn they can move, or shore-up parts of the island, and working as a team is essential.

 

There are many, many more awesome games out there, and a good place to shop for them is http://www.leisuregames.com/index.html - the staff at Leisure games are friendly and helpful (I’ve known them a long time, and they really are good at their jobs!)  If you see a game on their website and want to know more they are also very happy to answer questions and provide advice.  Unlike the staff at various chain stores, the LG staff all play games, so they really know the stock well.

 

Every now and then I’ll do another post about the games we play – but seriously, find something you like the look of, and give it a go!  Playing games lets learning sneak in when no one is looking, it builds relationships and social skills, and it fun! 


***disclaimer*** There are lots of local games shops out there, all of them need support - Leisure Games is just the shop I know, trust, and am happy to recommend. 

Not just fun and games . . . .

When I was a child, playing a family board game meant playing Monopoly.  The thought filled me with dread, and if we did eventually play my big sister would always cheat. 

Now, with children of my own, playing games is an integral part of our lives.  We have all learnt a lot from playing games together, more than most people realise is possible.

There are games out there that set out to be educational – we tend to avoid those because a lot of times the fun gets pushed out as the “education” gets squeezed in, but pretty much all games are educational if you know what you’re looking at.

There are obvious points – games with dice encourage quick maths, games with cards mean quick reading, taking turns is essential, and winning or loosing gracefully is a serious life skill. 

There are less obvious points though . . .

We have children with specific difficulties, and for them playing games is an essential part of learning to be.  J has ASD, and with that comes a lot of impatience, and a lack of understanding of others.  The last two points in my list above – taking turns and winning or loosing gracefully – are vital skills for life.  They have also been hard lessons for him to learn.  For the past four years we have worked through a series of stages with him.  At first he was not interested in the games we played.  Then he would come and watch for a bit.  A few months later he would declare he was on someone’s team and playing with them.  Quite often he’d stay with the game for a couple of turns then drift away.  It took years to move from playing with another person to playing by himself, but now he manages to stick with games that last a couple of hours.  Slowly and gently he has stretched his attention span, expanded the length of time he can be around other people, and at the same time practised taking turns and giving others time “in the spot light” (ie not being annoying and attention seeking when it is another persons turn.)  Along side this we have had to help him work on managing his emotions when he looses.  As a family of six, with frequent visitors, J doesn’t win every time – or even anything close to half the time – and showing him that he could have fun playing a game without that time being wasted if he didn’t win has helped us in lots of other situations.

A key point is that the skills J is learning whilst playing games and having fun are directly transferable to “real life”.  Taking turns?  That one is obvious.  Being gracious in defeat is less so – often as adults we debate something, and the decision made by a group is not what we wanted.  As a child seeing the upside of not getting your own way helps in a wide range of situations – from choosing which game to play, which film to watch, whose turn it is first on the computer, which park we go to, down to decisions about food, who sits where in the car, who holds the dogs lead.  Getting used to not “winning” but still being able to be happy really counts for a lot.

L (our eldest) is dyslexic.  So reading has always been a chore for him.  So many games we play have small amounts of reading – sometimes just a few words, at most a sentence or two– and when he was resisting any form of reading he would still read to play games.  As a teenager L can often struggle both with having younger siblings, and with his brothers differences.  Playing games together helps to build tolerance and understanding. 

M (too many letters to list here!) has lots of difficulties.  He finds social interaction can go wrong quite quickly and he has no idea why. Games give him a structure to his interactions, and that lets him relax because he knows the rules, and he knows how to function in the situation.  Like J games have stretched M’s attention span, taught him to take turns, and to be relaxed about the outcome of a game.   He has also learnt to think ahead, to plan before acting, to look for consequences of any particular move or play.  Games have also taught him to budget his pocket money, and take care of his possessions.

 
As a family, we find that we can spend time together over a game with all the kids taking part – from the 14 year old down to the 6 year old.  Games give us so much more than I remember as a child . . . and the children don't even realise :)

In the next post I'll look at some of our favourite games, how they play and why we like them.