Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Appointment time

Today we are off to see the neuro developmental psychology team with M.

The appointment has been a long time coming - we last saw anyone at CAMHS in April - and I hope we are on the home straight now.

I will post later about how it went, but I wanted to cover how I feel right now as well.

I am nervous.  I have spent the last two nights going over questions I think they might ask, trying to work out answers, trying to remember facts.

At an appointment a while ago we were asked about favourite toys at the age of two - my mind went blank, and I couldn't think of anything at all to answer.  He must have played with *something*, surely?  But what?  Now - months later - I am pretty sure M didn't have favourite toys, he just flitted from one thing to another, joining in with the other people around him, reflecting their interests, copying their behaviour. I don't want to be caught on the hop again. 

I also want to protect M.  The thought of him hearing us go over all his difficulties feels so destructive.  But previously it hasn't bothered him at all.  What if it does this time?  How do I help him?

Another side is that this is a meeting with two new people - will home ed be an issue?  Will I have to defend our choices, explain the social aspects, convince them that there really is an issue that would still be there if M had always been to school?

Too many potentials, too much I can overthink, really I just want to be on the other side of this one.

So, this process is a journey for me too - and I hope that sharing my own feelings and moments of doubt might reassure others.

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