This weekend the children's Scout group had a camp. The Beavers - A - went on Friday evening, went to Duxford on Saturday, then came home Saturday afternoon. The Cubs - J - and Scouts - M - were dropped off on Friday evening and picked up on Sunday afternoon. At least that was the plan . . .
First order was packing.
A was no trouble at all. She was really buzzing - it was her first night away from home. I asked her to go and find the bits and off she went - all I did was make sure it was all there and pack the bag.
M needed a bit more prodding. He finds some clothes intolerable, so packing for him needed to be a bit more supported. He also has trouble remembering more than three things at a time - so he went up to his room a lot more times ;) We managed to pull together three days of clothes he was pretty sure he could wear (what he can tolerate varies depending on how stressed he is.) The bag was huge, adding an airbed didn't help!
J. Well, what can I say? Last year there was a disastrous incident for J. He went to camp as a not quite invested cub. He was in the same section as M, but hadn't been for long. This was his first camp - the Beavers call them sleepovers and they are only one night. He had coped OK with the one nighters. Somehow this was different. Perhaps it was just too much all at one time - Uncle N had been visiting, and he was going home after J was dropped off. L and J's Dad were going with Uncle N to go to a gaming convention.
Whatever the reason, about three hours after J was dropped off (last year), when his Dad (and the car) were well and truly out of reach J melted down completely. The leaders called me and I could hear J wailing and screaming in the background. By then he'd been going for over an hour. So they brought him home.
The next two days were tough - L and his father weren't due back until Sunday afternoon. M was to be picked up on Monday. J wanted to be with me at all times - holding on as if he thought I was going to disappear. There were lots of tears, a few screams, and a very claustrophobic weekend for me.
J flatly refused to even think about going to camp for a long time, but in July when we picked A up from a day camp he noticed things he wished he had been able to try. His "no" was softening. When the discussions about this weekend came up, he wanted to go - so we booked and paid for the camp for him. Then (once we'd said yes) he was less sure. We had lots of surface worries - little things that were masking the real issue. We had lots and lots of long conversations, but in the end J didn't go.
When we dropped M and A off the Beaver leader said to me that she was totally different to M and J . . . I thought "Well, yes. She's NT", but that's not the sort of thing you can say out loud really.
I was pretty sure she would cope fine, and I was right. She had a great time, and was perfectly happy when she got home.
I wasn't sure how M would cope - he hasn't been away from home much, and not since his night terrors became such a big thing. As we dropped him off he was clingy - not helped by the fact that A had to be dropped off half an hour after him, so basically we all sat around doing very little for ages. M yo-yoed between us and the Scouts, not seeming happy or settled. When it was time for A to go in she bounded in without even saying goodbye to me :)
So the camp happened. The kids are now home, and everyone is happy :)
Showing posts with label NT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NT. Show all posts
Monday, 21 October 2013
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
Sleep . . .
Sleep is an issue for lots of parents. I had hoped that now our youngest is almost 7 it wouldn't be a problem for us. I was wrong.
Right from the beginning L had no real issues with sleep - as a baby he liked nursing to sleep, later he liked to be cuddled, but beyond that he developed good sleeping habits pretty easily. Now, at 14 1/2, his sleep patterns are changing, but he is responsible enough to be handling that pretty well.
He stays up once the younger three have gone to bed, and the three of us (His father, L and I) watch a couple of TV programs, often including the news, then he goes to his room. Watching the news with L is great - I can almost see his world view expanding before me, and we have some very interesting conversations. I love that our relationship is a happy one and we can talk through the controversial stuff. I love seeing him form his own views and work out how to put them across. Sometimes we disagree and I love that too - he is very much his own man, I could no more make him think as I do than I could make him shrink to shorter than me. Once he has gone up to his room he plays on his PC for a bit then goes to sleep. I trust him to do that in a sensible way. I'm not actually worried about what he accesses online - I don't think he'd go looking for anything dodgy, and he relishes the freedom to learn about things on his own terms. There have been a few mornings when he has found it hard to get up, but generally our lives can accommodate that. He is now moderating himself, because he hates "loosing the morning". If we have an early start I tend to remind him of that before I go to bed, but I don't police his bedtimes. So far it's all working well :)
M has always been a different kettle of fish. He would sleep anywhere if he was tired. And he had a pre-programmed bedtime - 8 pm. Until he was about 3 1/2 he would fall asleep wherever he was, whatever he was doing, at about 8. Often on the floor playing, or on the sofa watching TV. That faded, but he has always been easy to get to bed. A story, drink, kiss and tuck in. The trouble starts after this.
M has night terrors - they have always been there, to one degree or another, and I suspect they always will be. A night-terror differs from a nightmare in several ways - with a nightmare once the person is awake they might be scared, but they are pretty easy to soothe, and mostly lucid. A couple of words and a hug and the person is back to sleep. With M's night terrors it is never that simple. When he wakes he is not really awake. He is usually shouting, distressed, and still trapped in whatever is going on inside his head. There is no reasoning with him, we can't touch him because that often upsets him more, we can't play along, all we can do is watch and try to keep him safe.
For about three months earlier this year we had a night terror every night - most nights we had two. He'd be screaming, pacing around the dinner table for about 30 - 45 minutes. We tried a whole host of suggestions - waking him just before the night terror usually happened, talking it through in the day time, providing funny endings to typical dreams, more physical activity, less activity, no TV, no computer, general "are you happy" conversations - nothing had any effect. Eventually I read about "deep pressure therapy" and that struck a chord - M likes to be well wrapped, likes shoes done up too tight, likes to be under pillows - so I looked into buying a weighted blanket.
Unfortunately at £100+ it wasn't an option. So I made one :) It worked - from the first night we had a dramatic improvement. Now, don't get me wrong, M still has night terrors, but it is once a week, or one every two weeks, not two a night.
J has issues too. He always found it harder to fall asleep, and for a long time he would "yo-yo" - I'd get him to bed, and within minutes he'd be up for one reason or another. In the last year that has (finally) disappeared :) But he has issues with "little accidents" at night. I have no idea how to counter that one - he doesn't drink much, doesn't have a night time drink, goes to the loo last thing before bed . . .
Lastly is little A. Where we used to live we only had two bedrooms, so until she was 3 there was no choice but for her to share our room. When we moved it took us a while to get things sorted, and she didn't go to her own room until she was four. For the next year she was on the middle floor of the house with us - and the living room. She loved to stay up and watch TV, and if we put her to bed she would also yo-yo, so we'd let her stay up for a bit then get her back to bed.
The trouble was she didn't want to go to bed . . . for a long time she would stay up, happily singing, playing, chatting until midnight. I have a video of her making up dance routines at 00:15 one night. It took some getting organised, but by moving her bedroom to the top floor and by repeatedly shooing her back to bed we've managed what seemed impossible :)
Bedtime for A, J and M is now a couple of chapters of a book - currently Redwall - then discussion about what we are doing the next day, then toilet for M and J, then tuck in and lights out. Most nights they go straight to sleep :)
Then we wait. If M is going to have a night terror it is almost always before midnight. If we get to that point it is "safe" to go to bed :)
Why is all this on my mind? Well, to start with M had a bad night last night, but to follow up I saw this on Facebook : Go to Bed- it's an article discussing research linking irregular bedtimes and behaviour issues.
I know that when I am very tired I find it harder to cope with life's craziness. I see no reason to think that my children are any different. But I feel there are problems with the article - there are lots of confounding factors that haven't been taken into account. The first, biggest, question is WHY. Why the irregular bedtimes - does the child resist sleep (lots of SEN children do), is the home a chaotic environment (already known to affect behaviour), do the parents have difficulties that are preventing more organisation (parental difficulties are known to affect behaviour), is the family over programed (ie doing too many evening activities.)
The article states that regularising bedtimes improved behaviour - but what else has changed as well as bedtime? If the family time more organised, less activities, are the parents being supported and helped?
Looking at my own children I can see a couple of things -
reducing M's night terrors hasn't improved daytime behaviour.
J is no calmer when he has a full nights sleep.
A is happier now she gets a good nights sleep.
L is a grumpy teen ;) regardless of amounts of sleep.
I think, therefore, that for an NT child, getting enough sleep matters. For a child with additional needs getting more sleep won't "fix them."
That's all fine and dandy, but so far three people have pointed this article out to me as a way to help my kids. Because that is what they have read into it - get your children in bed at a sensible time and all their issues will melt away.
That just leaves me feeling a bit like shouting "if it was as simple as putting them to bed on time I'd have done that years ago!"
Right from the beginning L had no real issues with sleep - as a baby he liked nursing to sleep, later he liked to be cuddled, but beyond that he developed good sleeping habits pretty easily. Now, at 14 1/2, his sleep patterns are changing, but he is responsible enough to be handling that pretty well.
He stays up once the younger three have gone to bed, and the three of us (His father, L and I) watch a couple of TV programs, often including the news, then he goes to his room. Watching the news with L is great - I can almost see his world view expanding before me, and we have some very interesting conversations. I love that our relationship is a happy one and we can talk through the controversial stuff. I love seeing him form his own views and work out how to put them across. Sometimes we disagree and I love that too - he is very much his own man, I could no more make him think as I do than I could make him shrink to shorter than me. Once he has gone up to his room he plays on his PC for a bit then goes to sleep. I trust him to do that in a sensible way. I'm not actually worried about what he accesses online - I don't think he'd go looking for anything dodgy, and he relishes the freedom to learn about things on his own terms. There have been a few mornings when he has found it hard to get up, but generally our lives can accommodate that. He is now moderating himself, because he hates "loosing the morning". If we have an early start I tend to remind him of that before I go to bed, but I don't police his bedtimes. So far it's all working well :)
M has always been a different kettle of fish. He would sleep anywhere if he was tired. And he had a pre-programmed bedtime - 8 pm. Until he was about 3 1/2 he would fall asleep wherever he was, whatever he was doing, at about 8. Often on the floor playing, or on the sofa watching TV. That faded, but he has always been easy to get to bed. A story, drink, kiss and tuck in. The trouble starts after this.
M has night terrors - they have always been there, to one degree or another, and I suspect they always will be. A night-terror differs from a nightmare in several ways - with a nightmare once the person is awake they might be scared, but they are pretty easy to soothe, and mostly lucid. A couple of words and a hug and the person is back to sleep. With M's night terrors it is never that simple. When he wakes he is not really awake. He is usually shouting, distressed, and still trapped in whatever is going on inside his head. There is no reasoning with him, we can't touch him because that often upsets him more, we can't play along, all we can do is watch and try to keep him safe.
For about three months earlier this year we had a night terror every night - most nights we had two. He'd be screaming, pacing around the dinner table for about 30 - 45 minutes. We tried a whole host of suggestions - waking him just before the night terror usually happened, talking it through in the day time, providing funny endings to typical dreams, more physical activity, less activity, no TV, no computer, general "are you happy" conversations - nothing had any effect. Eventually I read about "deep pressure therapy" and that struck a chord - M likes to be well wrapped, likes shoes done up too tight, likes to be under pillows - so I looked into buying a weighted blanket.
Unfortunately at £100+ it wasn't an option. So I made one :) It worked - from the first night we had a dramatic improvement. Now, don't get me wrong, M still has night terrors, but it is once a week, or one every two weeks, not two a night.
J has issues too. He always found it harder to fall asleep, and for a long time he would "yo-yo" - I'd get him to bed, and within minutes he'd be up for one reason or another. In the last year that has (finally) disappeared :) But he has issues with "little accidents" at night. I have no idea how to counter that one - he doesn't drink much, doesn't have a night time drink, goes to the loo last thing before bed . . .
Lastly is little A. Where we used to live we only had two bedrooms, so until she was 3 there was no choice but for her to share our room. When we moved it took us a while to get things sorted, and she didn't go to her own room until she was four. For the next year she was on the middle floor of the house with us - and the living room. She loved to stay up and watch TV, and if we put her to bed she would also yo-yo, so we'd let her stay up for a bit then get her back to bed.
The trouble was she didn't want to go to bed . . . for a long time she would stay up, happily singing, playing, chatting until midnight. I have a video of her making up dance routines at 00:15 one night. It took some getting organised, but by moving her bedroom to the top floor and by repeatedly shooing her back to bed we've managed what seemed impossible :)
Bedtime for A, J and M is now a couple of chapters of a book - currently Redwall - then discussion about what we are doing the next day, then toilet for M and J, then tuck in and lights out. Most nights they go straight to sleep :)
Then we wait. If M is going to have a night terror it is almost always before midnight. If we get to that point it is "safe" to go to bed :)
Why is all this on my mind? Well, to start with M had a bad night last night, but to follow up I saw this on Facebook : Go to Bed- it's an article discussing research linking irregular bedtimes and behaviour issues.
I know that when I am very tired I find it harder to cope with life's craziness. I see no reason to think that my children are any different. But I feel there are problems with the article - there are lots of confounding factors that haven't been taken into account. The first, biggest, question is WHY. Why the irregular bedtimes - does the child resist sleep (lots of SEN children do), is the home a chaotic environment (already known to affect behaviour), do the parents have difficulties that are preventing more organisation (parental difficulties are known to affect behaviour), is the family over programed (ie doing too many evening activities.)
The article states that regularising bedtimes improved behaviour - but what else has changed as well as bedtime? If the family time more organised, less activities, are the parents being supported and helped?
Looking at my own children I can see a couple of things -
reducing M's night terrors hasn't improved daytime behaviour.
J is no calmer when he has a full nights sleep.
A is happier now she gets a good nights sleep.
L is a grumpy teen ;) regardless of amounts of sleep.
I think, therefore, that for an NT child, getting enough sleep matters. For a child with additional needs getting more sleep won't "fix them."
That's all fine and dandy, but so far three people have pointed this article out to me as a way to help my kids. Because that is what they have read into it - get your children in bed at a sensible time and all their issues will melt away.
That just leaves me feeling a bit like shouting "if it was as simple as putting them to bed on time I'd have done that years ago!"
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Little Miss A
Last, but by no means least, we have A, our daughter, currently 6.
Lots of people ask if I kept having more babies because I wanted a girl. The answer is no. By the time we found out A was going to be a girl I was so used to boys I was terrified! We coped though.
A, as far as we can tell, is neuro typical (NT) - that is to say she is developing within the expected range of normal, and always has done.
She is a very girly girl - ponies and princesses, pink and Barbie are all prominent themes in her play.
She doesn't like rough-housing with the boys much, gets grumpy if she is bumped, and so far isn't physical in her play at all.
Sometimes I worry that with all the other issues in this house A will feel left out, but she likes to do things with me and somehow being the youngest, being the only girl, being the only NT one all seem to come together and work.
Lots of people ask if I kept having more babies because I wanted a girl. The answer is no. By the time we found out A was going to be a girl I was so used to boys I was terrified! We coped though.
A, as far as we can tell, is neuro typical (NT) - that is to say she is developing within the expected range of normal, and always has done.
She is a very girly girl - ponies and princesses, pink and Barbie are all prominent themes in her play.
She doesn't like rough-housing with the boys much, gets grumpy if she is bumped, and so far isn't physical in her play at all.
Sometimes I worry that with all the other issues in this house A will feel left out, but she likes to do things with me and somehow being the youngest, being the only girl, being the only NT one all seem to come together and work.
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